Majesty

Why is this happening to me? What did i do to deserve any of this? Its times in my life like this where i wonder, does anyone give a fuck anymore? I lost the person who meant most to me, and that was already hard enough. Now, i lost my other best friend chase, who every body hates & thinks that he is just this awful awful person, & hes not. & NOW, my boyfriend is ripped away from me by his mom whos hated me from the beginning. im pretty much being forced to break up with the one guy ive really liked & the one guy whos treated me right, just because of his mom. I really wish there was some way i could just switch places with chase & be sitting in that prison cell, he doesnt deserve it. I wish i had a break from this life. :/

So i guess todays the day for long tumblr posts, LOL.

  For me, friendship this year has been the rockiest thing ever. Last year, i fell in love. I feel madly in love for my BEST friend. Ever since the day i told him, nothings been the same. And now, im about to lose him. I love him with every last part of my heart, and i would do anything for him, but he doesnt care about me anymore. My bestfriend, doesnt care. He doesnt care if were friends, he doesnt care if im here or not, He doesnt care if he ever sees me again. But i dont blame him. We fight every day, like scream and fight. I don’t understand why we fight, but we do. And im sick of the tears, and im sick of the screaming, and im sick of being sad. I MISS him. i miss who we used to be, i miss the old jordyn and sean that i knew 6 months ago. And honestly, if i hadn’t fallen in love with him last year, it would probably be alot easier for me to let him go. But its not, its not easy. & i need to come to the fact that soon, i might not have him in my life. If i keep doing the same things i do, hes gonna leave & i know that. So why can’t i stop getting angry when he hurts me? Why do we continue to fight over dumb ass things? I dont know. But i do know, that i will do everything in my heart i can do to keep him in my life. No matter what. I don’t love him anymore, at least like relationship love. But don’t take that the wrong way. I love him. I love him more than i love anyone or anything. He’s the person that loves me for my personality and doesnt give a fuck about how i look. Hes the one i want to go to when im sitting alone crying. Hes the one i want to have in my life forever. Hes the best bestfriend ive ever had, but i dont know how much longer i have with him. But, im gonna stay postive and im trying to fix this. Im working on the things i do. He may not try, because he wants this over with, he wants to end the friendship & never talk to me again. If your reading this, & you have an amazing best friend, dont take any second for granted with them. Ever moment ive had with sean, when we were bestfriends, are SO precious to me. I miss every second of our adventures, our sleepovers, our amazing long emotional talks. i miss it all. So don’t take  your bestfriend for granted, because in a blink of an eye, you could be holding on to your friendship by a string, like me.

 You dont have to be 100 pounds to be considered beautiful. I struggle every single day with self esteem, and don’t get me wrong, im not saying i love my body and i love every flaw i have, but if you cant at least be happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with anybody. Being over weight, is HELL. Believe me, i know. Especially when its in a case like mine, where its not because im a fatass & i eat all the time, its because of a disease. This is my first time i guess talking about this on any social website or whatever, but ladies, AND men, weight doesnt determine beauty. You can be 300 pounds, have an amazing heart, and feel beautiful. You dont have to fit into a small, or wear the newest trend. Be yourself, and most importantly, be happy with yourself. If you don’t like yourself, you truly cannot like anybody.